The Epic Struggle: Listening

Okay, I know hundreds upon thousands of books have been written on the differences between men and women. Men are from Jersey and Women are from New Hampshire, books like that. Everyone clamoring in their two cents, but the fact remains that no one has ever truly solved the single greatest mystery known to man: WOMEN. If anyone ever solves this great puzzle, I will show you the wealthiest, smartest and freekiest person the human race has ever seen. Women aren't even sure how they work. HOLD ON, I'm sure I just got someone out there's blood boiling...he we go again, man vs. women, the epic struggle. Who's smarter, who's dumber...blah, blah, blah. I come in peace. I am not out to prove who is superior gender or anything like that, I just want to shed my twisted light on things, so maybe we can all get along better. First things first, women are amazing creatures. It is the complexity of women that keep men enamored with them. It is proof that God knows what He is doing.
Concept #1 Ladies there are few things you need to know about us men. I am going to drop the bomb, first. Right to Nagasaki, no messing around with the little islands. It's all downhill from here, once you understand this concept, watch out. Men have been equipted with a survival instict called selective hearing. Now you may feel that your husband, boyfriend, brother, whatever just doesn't listen to you. That isn't necessarily the case. The best way to describe this wonderfully complex instict, is that it is similar to the Presidential Wire Tapping Program that everyone was up in arms about. Its very simple, our brains actually process every word and kicks out the words that it feels does not apply. Whenever one of the key words is processed, our brain and ears come in synch. Kazzam, we are now listening. It took me a long time to understand how this works, for years I would watch Dad or Grandpa. You know that blank look they would have, when Mom or Grandma were standing right in front of them, point blank telling them something and they didn't catch a word of it. I thought they were deaf, but NOOOO that was selective hearing in action. I said that this was a survival technique, true, because if we listened to every word that was ever said, first off we would be tired, consfussed, disoriented and more and likely dead. This mechanism actually keeps us alive longer. After all, the life expectancy for males is much shorter than females, only because we chose to die first. Now here is the solution...I will give you some of the key words that get a man's attention. If you start off every sentence with one of these words or phrases, man will listen everytime: sex, sports, cars (if you can make the sounds of an LT1 engine, oh my, for sure you wouldn't be single), food, and things like "if you listen I will let you go golfing with your buddies this weekend", stuff like that, you know the things that matter in a mans life.
Men would also listen a lot more if women didn't make listening so difficult. Seriously, listening to a woman is an art form. When women talk and a man is really listening, you know he is actually processing the information, but he is not sure what to do with the data he has just processed.
Solution one: Knod my head and give her a hug and say "yes, dear, sweetie "(plug in a term of endearment). Recourse: More and likely she will look me and want to know why I did not have a solution or comment to the problem or whatever, then tell me I don't care about what she has to say.
Solution two: Actually give a solution to the problem or an idea on what to do about the situation. Recourse: She really just wanted me to say "Yes dear" and give her a hug, and she is going to tell me how I am not a good listener.
Solution three: I don't have a clue just stand here. Recourse: I am sleeping on the couch for the next week.
When women have a problem, I think it is just sometimes easier that maybe you keep the man out of it, unless you really want the advice. Men react to things similar to watching The Wheel of Fortune, when we know the solution to the problem we are yelling at Vanna telling her to turn those letters.
Concept #2. This is not as big as Concept#1, but is a vital tool in understanding the Male psyche. Women can not grasp the idea of indifference. When a woman asks a male about something and he responds "I don't care, it does not matter to me." That is what he means, end of conversation. Unlike women, men do not need to have an opinion about every little detail in life. Women feel that men should "care" about everything, like women do. IT IS NOT THAT WE DO NOT CARE, IT IS THAT IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER TO US. Truth, when a man says he doesn't care where they go for dinner, just as long as they can eat. Men don't care what color the bathroom is as long as they have a place to sit. It is that cut and dry.

I have decided to stop the madness here. I want to keep the fans wanting more...join me next time when I have more to talk about men and women and other trivial stuff
Men are simple creatures, we have an on off switch. Women have a starting sequence and a cool down before shutting off. Men are like an old pickup truck, women are like a Ferrari. Both are hard to keep running, but it can be done with a little practice.