a day and a dollar short of the white flag...

I am a dreamer. Ask my wife, it is sometimes a big problem for me. I love to dream... The way I look at it God gave us an imagination to use for a reason. I believe he gave it to us to aspire to become something useful for Him. I believe it can be used to help us get out what we perceive to be impossible situations, a key to the "I won't put more on you than you can handle." I also believe it is just there sometimes to help us escape the reality of life here on this earth. Read the book of Psalms, or what I think of as "divinely inspired imagination." I can just see David sitting there thinking of green pastures...the perfection of heaven.

When my wife and I were dating, we would occasionally go to the mall and shop, but my favorite thing was going to the HQ store. We would walk around the home store picking out things for our dream house. We had dreams of what life would be like when we were 30. Unfortunately, I don't believe we are anywhere close to some of our ideas or dreams. We have accomplished some of those dreams. Lately though, I feel the dream machine has stopped. I am confessing something that only my wife knows. When I go to sleep, I have what I call my cookie cutter dream that takes me to a place where I forget the problems of the day. I dream of a modest house on the beach... I can describe it in detail. My wife and I sitting on the porch watching the kids play on the beach. I can feel it like it is tangible. That is the latest dream. It has changed over the years. The house has varied. I also love cars, I also dream of driving my dream vehicle (flavor of the day) down a beautiful curvy road or down the coastal highway. That dream has been around since I was about 12 years old. Whenever I have problems sleeping, I imagine one of these dreams. Lately though, I have had problems slipping into my "dream." The problems of the day have been taking over. It scares me.

I feel like I am just hanging on. My life is split into segments. I can't wait until 5 p.m. so I can go home, then when I get home I can't wait until I go to bed. Then I dread waking up in the morning. Rinse, lather and repeat. That's what it feels like. I feel like I am in over my head, like the dump truck of life backed up and just dumped its load on me. I have always said that when you quit dreaming, you are dead. Figuratively speaking. Life is far from what I imagined when I was young, and seems that suddenly my days are a part of the past. No longer looking forward, but backwards wondering what happened. I wouldn't change my life with my wife and children, they are the biggest blessing to me. My children right now are my dream. I want my children to never stop dreaming. God has provided for my family and I. There were time I didn't think we would ever make it. He pulled us out, everytime. He has made us better for it. I guess I am reminded of the saying, "Want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." I want to be like David.