fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: you will love this its funny

I generally do not forward emails unless they are absolutely hilarious. This one is an email that was forwarded to me by one of my favorite customers. She sent it to me, then I put a few notes on it and sent it back. I just thought this went well with my last blog, so I figured I would post it. It helps prove my last point pretty well. Everything in regular type is the original email, my comments are in the small bold script. This is good for both sexes, enjoy.

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

so we can have a 4 on 4 basketball game after class

Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

it is ok to leave just one cube in the tray, we are optimistic and still see things as partially full, not empty.

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Why change the toilet paper, there is usually a box of tissues on the back of the seat.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat andAvoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Women are just jealous that we can go anywhere and write things in the snow.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

We like it when the clothes on the floor, that means we are in the mood.

Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginningat 7:00 PM

It is easier to locate a glass when you leave next to your favorite chair.

Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

We don't like those bonnet wearing, mushy Lifetime channel movies

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right PlacesAnd Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.Open Forum .

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

This one I don't have an answer for.

Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Every time we do something like this you give us the third degree and drill us for the next week on what we did wrong.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Women always ask for directions because they don't know how to fold the map.

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

It's not that hard to parallel park, and the way we see a guy can hit a 100mph fast ball with a wooden stick and 40,000 people yelling at him.

Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.Online Classes and role-playing .

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Women are the way they are because their Daddys gave them everything they wanted and called them Princess, no body ever points that out.

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping CompanionRelaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Solution to this problem is never go shopping when a sporting event is on.
Men know the schedules for all sporting events, channel and times, just ask.

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates, Calling When You're Going To Be Late.Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Put our calendar in a TV guide format

Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Why use an oven when we paid some much for the microwave.
The oven is only good for baking metal items we have spray painted in the garage.

wow, just listened to the news...this is part of the problem...

The stuff I have been writing about when it comes the whole gender thing I hope has been pretty fair and balanced. (stole that fair and balanced thing from FOX news) It is just my take on human nature more than anything, but I will say that this is a little one sided. I came across this news story and I could not believe it. Check out this direct quote:

About 90% of women surveyed said they feel somewhat or not at all financially secure, and almost half of the women said they fear losing it all and becoming a "bag lady," according to the survey of 1,925 women, conducted by Harris Interactive. from Marketwatch.com.

WHAT? This is what the male species is up against. Almost 50% have a fear of being a "bag lady." Please don't get me wrong, I have my own suspicions about my financial situation. If this isn't a gauge on self confidence, not sure what else is. These were professional women, women with jobs, and good jobs...(the article came from Marketwatch, not the Waitress Monthly, and I mean nothing bad by that) I am just trying to say these are the women that "have it together", they are today's women. If you don't have the self confidence in yourself and you are that insecure, how can we as males fix it? Most problems start with yourself as part of the solution (male and female alike). I guess I just see from many angles in our society how the average male is made out to be stupid and doesn't know how life is supposed to work. Just watch any sitcom on T.V. Ultimately my point is, people who are insecure with themselves, general try to bring down the others around them to make themselves better. Still not saying that we as men do not do stupid things, but its part of our appeal (and sometimes we do it on purpose because it just may be fun). It is just that women are such beautifully complex creatures, and we simpletons (Men) are supposed to be supportive and be part of the solution. I need schematics and as far as I know there are none. I just want us all to get along better people, I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep.

brain is mush...

I have not posted anything of late, a lot has been going on and my brain is mush. Josiah has started Kindergarten...he doesn't seem to care much, it was just another day. He really enjoys it and looks forward to putting the school uniform on every morning. I had a tough time, got a little choked up...it's been a tradition since Josiah started pre-school that Daddy takes him to school in the Del Sol. So the walk back to the car was a little tough. Grown men don't cry though... He gets to ride the twinkie back home and he loves riding the bus... I was home all day yesterday and got to meet him at the bus stop...WEIRD. I am old enough to have a kid that rides a school bus...where did the time go? I am running out of opportunities. Now I understand why my brain is mush...I'm just old.

they grow soooooo fast...

It is pretty crazy in our household as of late. Josiah is getting ready to go to all day Kindergarten...where has the time gone. It is the beginning of the end, today Kindergarten, tomorrow drivers license and the day after that high school graduation. At the pace life has been at least that is what is going to feel like. Last night Josiah came out to the couch, where Daddy was in his favorite position watching a little pre-season Sunday night football, told me he wanted to read me a book. Now this kind of took me back a step. It is usually the other way around, and unfortunately this is where I say I lack as a parent sometimes. I ain't much good at read'n out loud, at least in my head, I guess. So I don't do much book reading, unless it has pictures. Josiah hops up on my lap and meticulously opens up his Dick and Jane book to page one, and begins. All the way to page 13 (Daddy's favorite number, coincidence - I think not). I could not have been prouder at that moment, and as far as I was concerned on TV it could have been 4th and goal with 3 seconds the Browns with the ball down by 6 in the Super Bowl. I could have cared less. Nothing else mattered, but him reading those famous words...see spot run, run spot run. After he got off my lap, I watched him walk away and after being so proud, I felt a deep sadness. He is growing up so fast and before he knows it he is going to actually start dealing with our society has to throw at him. I just want to keep him little.

Ella went with me to the car store the other day. ( DICTIONARY MOMENT: Josiah and I names for the stores we go to...the big boy store is either Lowes or Home Depot and the car store is either Auto Zone or Pep Boys.) It was just Ella and I in the Del Sol. She loves riding in it with the top off...she smiled all the way to the store. She knows she's something. We get to Auto Zone and I get her out of the car she walks in holding my hand. Another proud moment...my daughter and I going into the autoparts store together. She loved it, she was going around picking up tools, then she found the Hot Wheels, picked out one and carried it around the whole store. I was able to switch it out with radiator cap that I was actually there for. She was in her pretty pink flower dress, her hair up in a bow and her little sandles walking through the car store...Sorry I am rambling...it was just neat dog gone it...

sorry about this ongoing theme...

I want to apologize for this ongoing theme of gender related topics. I guess these kind of things just bother me. I just wish people could appreciate each other for the qualities that each one of us bring to the table that we call society. I am not going to go off on some tree hugging, granola chomping, peace not war dissertation. That's not my style. I believe there is a place for war in our society, but that is a different topic for some other time. I guess what really gets to me is that if everyone understood just one simple formula for life, it makes it easier to deal with others. Just think about your family for a second, your spouse, your mother, your father, grandparents, kids, nephews, nieces for just a moment. Go through the list and I bet you, other than some extreme circumstances, most of those people bring a smile to your face or you are extremely appreciative of what they have done for you. I can almost guarantee that is the case with everyone. Which brings me to this point, when ever you have a problem with someone, realize this, they are someone's father, mother, spouse, son, daughter, ect. How would you like someone to treat your family members or someone special. I guess I just get tired of the ridiculous anger that people have towards each other. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some holier than thou kind of person, I have my share of pent of frustration for the human race.

Over the period of the past few months I have had encounters in my professional life of people just full of themselves, and it absolutely drives me crazy (I know its a short drive). They think that I have nothing better to do with my life (which includes but not limited to running a business, raising kids, being a husband, brother, friend, manage business and personal finances, take care of the house, cars and the list goes on of things I have to accomplish in my 24 hours) but to make their life miserable. They have the audacity to think that I have nothing better to do than to make up silly little schemes to make life difficult. That to me is the biggest form of self conceit and pride that a person can witness. That is all it is plain and simple, pride. These people can't belly up to the fact that life just throws us curves every now and again, and there is nothing we can do about it. Quit blaming others. On the same note I have an former business acquaintance that just can't seem to let an issue of the past go...he brings it up in conversation with everyone he comes in contact with. It was something he was directly involved in. People that can not let an issue die, in my opinion are harboring some form of guilt. Plain and simple, the reason they keep bringing up and pushing blame on everyone else is that they are trying to pacify their guilty conscience. (The only person out there that reads this blog thing can give me an "amen brother," they are dealing with the same issue.)
I apologize for my ranting, but I just had to get it of my chest. Try this sometime...just take a moment, maybe when you are just sitting on the couch or at a family picnic or something like that. Just take a few minutes and watch someone that you love ( ie...kids, wife, ect.). The trick is just watch them interact with other people, play or do dishes or whatever but don't let them know you are watching. This isn't something freeky, just watch them. I think you will find a new found appreciation for us humans. To think that every voluntary and involuntary muscle and the the thought processes that make us function all come together just for us to perform the most menial of tasks. For me it works, it also helps me realize how beautiful these people are that God put into my life...try it.

the other side of the coin...

I kind of feel bad, because most of this blog thing has been about our son Josiah. We do have a 1 1/2 old daughter, Ella. Both kids fill a hole in my heart that no one else can fill, like I told Josiah when Ella was born, "Josiah will always be my buddy and Ella is Daddy's sweetheart." Than way he knows the difference. Since day one I have beating it into his head that it is his job to protect and keep his sister safe. Trust me, there is no one on this earth that can tease Ella, except for him...the way it is supposed to be. This is the way I grew up with my little brother, no one else could mess with him except for me and vice versa. Its still that way today.
Even though Ella speaks her own little baby language, she already has taught me a few life lessons about the relationships between men and women. This has been a complaint for generations from woman that they are not the man's mother. Please understand that I can understand this, there are some men that just can not let go of the apron strings. My relationship with my mother is a good one, we actually best of friends. I still respect her as my mother and everything she has done, but now that I am married and have a wife, our relationship has developed more into a friendship, which is the way I think it should be. Maybe you disagree. Getting to the otherside of the coin that I talked about, women are the way they are because of their Daddys. That never gets brought up. I understand this now that I have a daughter. I grew up in a family with one brother and 7 boy cousins, raising a boy is second nature to me, its what I grew up around. Daughters own their Daddys (if he is worth his salt as a Daddy) from the moment he hears her cry the first time. My daughter knows she has me wrapped around her little finger. She gets called every little term of endearment you could think of... I even make stuff up. It is this environment many women grow up in and then expect their husbands to treat them the way their father did. Ella gets treated with much more leniency than Josiah, after all she is girl. Just something to think about, I just think it is funny you never hear about this angle, maybe because men are afraid...we'll see.

Me getting philosophical

Josiah and I had the time of our lives this past Sunday... we went to the Kentucky Speedway for the Meijer 300. I have had a love affair with cars pretty much the day I left the womb (I always have told my wife, you never have to worry about an affair, but if I ever do have one she will have four wheels and a tailpipe...) My Grandmother (who is currently keeping track of me from the other side) was a car freek as well. If anyone ever told me I drove like my Grandmother, it would be a compliment. This passion has been passed along to Josiah as well. We got to the track early and a women came up to Josiah and I and asked us if we had pit passes. (She was very attractive by the way, but my wife was not even remotely jealous...) I told her "no." She gave us two pit passes. We went down to the pits and watched the entire race from behind the fence. We were about 15-20 feet from the cars when they pitted. It was awesome. A funny thing happened though. Josiah was really excited when we walked up to the pit and could see the cars, then when they started them up...the look of joy (on his face, too.) The race began and Josiah was standing at the fence (behind Tony Kanaan's Pit, Daddy's favorite and of course Josiah's too.) He was getting tired of standing. He looked at me and asked if we could go up to our seats. I told him wait until they come into the pits to have their tires changed and get gas before we go anywhere. Our seats were way up at the top of the tower and we were IN THE PIT. It was a difficult concept for him, the waiting. Daddy by no means wanted to go back to the seats, because I knew what was going to happen. A little more whining ensued about our seats, but when they came in for the first pit, and the cars burned their tires and squeel of the engines and the smoke and noises...he knew why Daddy made him stand at the fence for 40 laps. I just was thinking how many times I have whined and complained about things, and have probably missed out on some of the greatest moments of my life, because I didn't trust my Father. The cool thing was, I was there for this one.

Josiahisms continued...

Josiah on convenience... Josiah and I were taking a drive through the little town of Warsaw, Kentucky. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, we were in our little convertible, just Father and Son bonding time. Taking the back way to the Kentucky Speedway for a day at the races. Josiah points out that there is a house next to the block place ...(his description of an old cemetery, because of the big tombstones.) He looks at me and says, "that is kind of nice, if the guy dies he only has to go over the fence." Then he looked a little puzzled, "they wouldn't be able to carry him over the fence. That's not a good climbing fence, and he would be heavy to carry." I was trying everything not to laugh...because he was sincerely puzzled about how to get the dead guy over the fence. Then he figured out "that they could carry him down the driveway and walk on the road if there wasn't any traffic to get the man to the block place." So our son thinks that living next to a cemetery is second only to living next to Toys-r-us.

The Epic Struggle: Listening

Okay, I know hundreds upon thousands of books have been written on the differences between men and women. Men are from Jersey and Women are from New Hampshire, books like that. Everyone clamoring in their two cents, but the fact remains that no one has ever truly solved the single greatest mystery known to man: WOMEN. If anyone ever solves this great puzzle, I will show you the wealthiest, smartest and freekiest person the human race has ever seen. Women aren't even sure how they work. HOLD ON, I'm sure I just got someone out there's blood boiling...he we go again, man vs. women, the epic struggle. Who's smarter, who's dumber...blah, blah, blah. I come in peace. I am not out to prove who is superior gender or anything like that, I just want to shed my twisted light on things, so maybe we can all get along better. First things first, women are amazing creatures. It is the complexity of women that keep men enamored with them. It is proof that God knows what He is doing.
Concept #1 Ladies there are few things you need to know about us men. I am going to drop the bomb, first. Right to Nagasaki, no messing around with the little islands. It's all downhill from here, once you understand this concept, watch out. Men have been equipted with a survival instict called selective hearing. Now you may feel that your husband, boyfriend, brother, whatever just doesn't listen to you. That isn't necessarily the case. The best way to describe this wonderfully complex instict, is that it is similar to the Presidential Wire Tapping Program that everyone was up in arms about. Its very simple, our brains actually process every word and kicks out the words that it feels does not apply. Whenever one of the key words is processed, our brain and ears come in synch. Kazzam, we are now listening. It took me a long time to understand how this works, for years I would watch Dad or Grandpa. You know that blank look they would have, when Mom or Grandma were standing right in front of them, point blank telling them something and they didn't catch a word of it. I thought they were deaf, but NOOOO that was selective hearing in action. I said that this was a survival technique, true, because if we listened to every word that was ever said, first off we would be tired, consfussed, disoriented and more and likely dead. This mechanism actually keeps us alive longer. After all, the life expectancy for males is much shorter than females, only because we chose to die first. Now here is the solution...I will give you some of the key words that get a man's attention. If you start off every sentence with one of these words or phrases, man will listen everytime: sex, sports, cars (if you can make the sounds of an LT1 engine, oh my, for sure you wouldn't be single), food, and things like "if you listen I will let you go golfing with your buddies this weekend", stuff like that, you know the things that matter in a mans life.
Men would also listen a lot more if women didn't make listening so difficult. Seriously, listening to a woman is an art form. When women talk and a man is really listening, you know he is actually processing the information, but he is not sure what to do with the data he has just processed.
Solution one: Knod my head and give her a hug and say "yes, dear, sweetie "(plug in a term of endearment). Recourse: More and likely she will look me and want to know why I did not have a solution or comment to the problem or whatever, then tell me I don't care about what she has to say.
Solution two: Actually give a solution to the problem or an idea on what to do about the situation. Recourse: She really just wanted me to say "Yes dear" and give her a hug, and she is going to tell me how I am not a good listener.
Solution three: I don't have a clue just stand here. Recourse: I am sleeping on the couch for the next week.
When women have a problem, I think it is just sometimes easier that maybe you keep the man out of it, unless you really want the advice. Men react to things similar to watching The Wheel of Fortune, when we know the solution to the problem we are yelling at Vanna telling her to turn those letters.
Concept #2. This is not as big as Concept#1, but is a vital tool in understanding the Male psyche. Women can not grasp the idea of indifference. When a woman asks a male about something and he responds "I don't care, it does not matter to me." That is what he means, end of conversation. Unlike women, men do not need to have an opinion about every little detail in life. Women feel that men should "care" about everything, like women do. IT IS NOT THAT WE DO NOT CARE, IT IS THAT IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER TO US. Truth, when a man says he doesn't care where they go for dinner, just as long as they can eat. Men don't care what color the bathroom is as long as they have a place to sit. It is that cut and dry.

I have decided to stop the madness here. I want to keep the fans wanting more...join me next time when I have more to talk about men and women and other trivial stuff
Men are simple creatures, we have an on off switch. Women have a starting sequence and a cool down before shutting off. Men are like an old pickup truck, women are like a Ferrari. Both are hard to keep running, but it can be done with a little practice.

A picture is worth a thousand words

This is what life is all about, Josiah and I at the beach.

Something strange...not for the weak.

Sorry this really doesn't have much to do with anything I have written about in the past. I felt I just had to share. I walked into the Men's Room (or the Accounting Dept. as I like to call it, that's where I make my deposits...) in our office building. The one stall has an actual door, so you can't see if anyone is in there. I opened the door and behold two guys standing in there. Nothing weird, one was just an older gentleman that was helping a middle aged handicapped man. Now I mean no disrespect but needless to say I was taken aback. The funny thing is the older gentleman shouted at me "Stop, do not come in." Now please understand we had eye contact... Two guys in one stall does not equal a party I want to be involved in. So I had no intention of stepping in any further. I turned around closed the door and walked out. I wanted to say on the way out, "I thought the full service stations were a thing of the past..."

Josiahisms 101

I would like to start off today with an apology. I did not mean to be so serious on my first ever attempt at "blogging." (Hold on, by the way, what kind of word is blog anyways, how did it make it into our vocabulary. I mean this word is so important that it not only is a noun but also deserves verb variants? When I was a kid this was called journaling or writing in a diary, but no, some computer geek decided that he would make up his own word... another version of revenge of the nerds.) Sorry this is not what today's entry is about...It usually only takes small shiny objects that make noise to distract me from the task at hand. Like I said in the beginning this is a place for me to keep track of many of insightful things that are taught to me through whatever God puts in my path. Today is just a small journal of some of the insight that my son has into life..those of you close to me already know many of these stories, because they make me so proud, well some of them...

Josiah on spaceships... On pretty fall day when Josiah was 3, we were drawing out on the driveway with sidewalk chalk. (I try to use the kids to get out of about any chore I can..) Josiah is a pretty good artist for his age...so he decided to draw some space ships. Daddy thought it would be a good idea to draw some planets...then I asked Josiah, "What are the spaceships doing?" He looked at me with all seriousness (remember he is 3) "Daddy we need to couple the spaceships together." In a state of disbelief I asked him if he knew what coupling meant. With all the confidence in the world, "Daddy that means putting them together." I called Harvard that evening...

Josiah on cookies... Josiah went for a ride up to Dayton with his Uncle Don. Little did we all now that Uncle Don had a private stash of cookies in his truck. While traveling Josiah and Uncle Don decided to raid the stash of cookies. After eating a couple of cookies, Josiah asked Uncle Don if he could have some more cookies. Uncle Don was concerned and told Josiah that he did not want him to get a tummy ache. "Uncle Don, I'll be okay, I won't eat the chocolate chips...I'll just eat the cookie part...cause its just like bread and bread is good for you."

Josiah on suckers... Josiah and I were going through the drive thru at the bank, and just like anyother time, the teller sent him a sucker. The sucker was a strawberry, or some kind of fruit flavor. "Daddy the root beer suckers are not good for you, but the fruit flavored ones are because they have fruit in them..."

Josiah on age... Josiah and I were traveling down the highway, from no where Josiah says, "Daddy your almost the same age as Jesus." Now, I know children's perception of time is a lit off, but I thought this to be a little excessive. Me the same age as Jesus? "Daddy, you are almost 33." He got me.

Josiah on football.. My friend and I took our son(s) to an Arena Football game. The kids seemed more interested in getting cotton candy than the game, but they were having a good time watching people pound each other. What red blooded American male doesn't enjoy that? The third quarter came to a close and it was already 10:30. Long after the boys bed time, so we decided to leave. On our way out my friend and I were about 1/2 way down the tunnel when we realized the boys weren't walking with us. We turned around and the boys were standing at the railing watching the field intensely. "Come on guys, its time to go" we told them. They replied, " But Daddy the Cheerleaders are out." They figure it out at such a young age, and you don't even have to teach 'em.

Josiah on corn... We got home one night and some friends of ours had left some fresh corn hanging on the front door. (We love corn on the cob at our house so anytime you wanna drop some by, get with me after the show and I'll give you our address.) Anyhow, Josiah went up to the bag of corn, pulled out two of them. Stuck one in each ear, turned to his Mommy, "Mommy, do you want to pick my ears..." That's pretty good for a 5 year old. We are working out a deal with the Comedy Channel for a one hour special...

Josiah on the wonderful things in life... This is by far, hands down (no pun intended), the funniest and proudest moment as a father. As many funny family stories start out, we made a family trip to Wal-Mart. While in Wal-Mart we went to hosiery section to pick out hose for my wife. ( I despise the word panty by the way...That's why it was purposefully omitted.) Now me, being the wonderful husband who has no pride or dignity left as a male, was helping my wife pick out hose...looking for colors and sizes. Comparing price and quality, you know all that stuff you do as a neutered married male. After getting excited about finding a three pack of multi-colored (black, white and nude) on clearance for $1.99, I had realized that Josiah wasn't next to me anymore. He had been in the center isle looking at backpacks. I peaked my head around the corner and Josiah was scrunched down by an end cap. He had both hands perfectly cupped around a DD bra, one in each hand. In shock, I told him to stop that. "But Daddy" he replied, " I just wanted to touch them, because they are soft and squishy." Dare him to try that line when he grows up...he'll get plenty of black eyes.

There is plenty more were this came from...my feeble mind just can't remember them all. I am sure I will be adding more. I never ran away to join the circus, I was to lazy to run away, instead I just created my own. Thanks for listening.

FOUND THIS DRAFT IN THE DRAFT BOX...NOT SURE WHY I NEVER POSTED IT.
I would like to start off today with an apology. I did not mean to be so serious on my first ever attempt at "blogging." (Hold on, by the way, what kind of word is blog anyways, how did it make it into our vocabulary. I mean this word is so important that it not only is a noun but also deserves verb varients? When I was a kid this was called journaling or writing in a diary, but no, some computer geek decided that he would make up his own word... another version of revenge of the nerds.) Sorry this is not what todays entry is about...It usually only takes small shiny objects that make noise to distract me from the task at hand. Like I said in the begining this is a place for me to keep track of many of insightful things that are taught to me through whatever God puts in path. Today is just a small journal of some of the insight that my son has into life..those of you close to me already know many of these stories, because they make me so proud, well some of them...

Josiah on spaceships... On pretty fall day when Josiah was 3, we were drawing out on the driveway with sidewalk chalk. (I try to use the kids to get out of about any chore I can..) Josiah is a pretty good artist for his age...so he decided to draw some space ships. Daddy thought it would be a good idea to draw some planets...then I asked Josiah, "What are the spaceships doing?" He looked at me with all seriousness (remember he is 3) "Daddy we need to couple the spaceships together." In a state of disbelief I asked him if he knew what coupling meant. With all the confidence in the world, "Daddy that means putting them together." I called Harvard that evening...

Josiah on cookies... Josiah went for a ride up to Dayton with his Uncle Don. Little did we all now that Uncle Don had a private stash of cookies in his truck. While traveling Josiah and Uncle Don decided to raid the stash of cookies. After eating a couple of cookies, Josiah asked Uncle Don if he could have some more cookies. Uncle Don was concerned and told Josiah that he did not want him to get a tummy ache. "Uncle Don, I'll be okay, I won't eat the chocolate chips...I'll just eat the cookie...cause its just like bread and bread is good for you."

Josiah on suckers... Josiah and I were going through the drive thru at the bank, and just like anyother time, the teller sent him a sucker. The sucker was a strawberry, or some kind of fruit flavor. "Daddy the root beer suckers are not good for you, but the fruit flavored ones are because they have fruit in them..."

Josiah on cars... Josiah is a car fanatic (proof positive that the apple does not fall from the tree...) I would always play a little game when I was a kid & we were traveling, guess what kind of car it is by the tailights or headlights. Hours of amusement. Josiah & I were driving up I-75, just the two of us in the little car. So for fun, I thought I would play this game with Josiah. I pointed to the car that was about 4-5 car lengths in front of us, "Josiah, what kind of car is in front of us?" Josiah leaned forward in his seat to see over the dash & sat back down. "Daddy, thats a Corvette" he replied confidently. He was right, I was proud.

Class is in session...

Well here it is...my long awaited, much anticipated and highly criticized Blog debut. I am strictly doing this for my fans...those that have supported me over the years...I love you all. Seriously now, this is pretty much...much to do about nothing. I have decided that all the strange and bizarre revelations that I have about life need to be put down in writing. More and likely they will not be read, but as I get older, my mind is leaving with my youth and my hair, so more importantly I need one spot where I can go to remember all the great things I have learned about life.
The title of my Blog comes from my Dr. Phil, our 5 year old son. Everything you need to know about life, you can learn from a 5 year old. They put everything in perspective. The women folk in our house like to sleep in on Saturday mornings, which the son and I usually have that time to ourselves. It is a time we can have some male bonding. You know, see who can pass gas the loudest, who's burps smell the worst and ponder such things how they make those Cin-a-minis at Burger King...(little tiny cinnamon goodness wrapped up in such a cute little roll and yes the two of us use our fingers to clean out the frosting tub). You know, those things only a Father and Son can truly appreciate.
I am married to the love of my, 10 years. Met and dated high school and married after college. Time sure has flown by, pretty much causing us to look back and wonder where it has all gone. (Everybody says that, sorry, not much of a revelation there, these will get better, I promise) Life has happened.
I was really fortunate to know my great-grandparents...they were married for like a hundred years...pretty sure it was that long. I can remember when my great-grandmother had a stroke (she was wonderful woman, made killer Chef-Boyarde Raviolli and peanut butter cookies)and my great grandfather took care of her...that was the love and pride of his life. I can remember sitting on the vinyl couch in their living room when I was about 15-16 years old thinking...I hope I find some that I can spend the rest of my life with like this.
Lesson 1 - Marriage
Our son told my wife the other day that our daughter is the princess, he is the prince, Daddy is the King and Mommy is a kingly member...you go boy...Not sure exactly what he meant by that but we thought it was funny. Maybe its because I rule my house like a King or the kids get treated like royalty, not real sure...That's not really the way things work at our house, but over the years of observation I have realized a few truths about marriage.
1. Never get into an argument. Sounds easy enough, right? It is okay to have disagreements, that is a normal part of life. Arguments and disagreements are two different animals. When someone is trying to argue a point, there tends to be a lack of respect for the other persons opinion. I'm right, your are wrong. Aretha knew what she was talking about. That is what marriage is all about just like any relationship, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. (Good thing you this doesn't have audio). I can respect you and disagree with you at the same time. If you have to raise your voice to make a point, double check your point, because you may be raising your voice may just be making up for the lack of validity. Frustration is a normal part of disagreeing, that's why Men have the garage and Women have the master bedroom...places for each person to cool off, and sometimes it allows you to put things in perspective.
2. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. When you get married we say these crazy words that are officially called vows. In there I pretty sure it says something about trust. Trust does not equal ignorance...after your spouse goes to the Casino and your credit cards are maxed out, there is a problem. Trust that your spouse has you and your family's best interest in mind. Truly if your spouse loves you and the family they would not do anything to hurt you. We all do absent minded selfish things every now and again, we are all human. It so much easier to forgive, if you trust.
3.Try to impress your spouse. Get back to the basics. When we all tried to land ourselves a mate...we paid attention to detail. We washed behind our ears, made sure we masked our body odor, dressed nice, ect. I can honestly say that after knowing my wife for about 16 years, I still try to impress her. I know, I know...you can't do it all the time. I go to another room to pass gas, and it lingers for a while and she catches it, or I don't wear matching clothes to go work on the car...it happens, but make a concerted effort. I know I don't look as good as I did when we first got married so I need to make up for it somehow. It shows you still care.
4.Allow your spouse to have some alone time. As much as I know my wife likes to hang out with me all the time, and I enjoy her company just as much...its good to have some alone time. I sometimes take the long way home from work, just to unwind from the day, that way when I get home I can take the kids downstairs to play while my wife relaxes for a few moments. Recharge the batteries.
5. Read your spouse. This is hard to do. My wife has good body language.(Hey now this is a family show...) I know when she is frustrated and conversely she can tell when things are not going smooth for me. This is teamwork in action. She spends the entire day with the kids, and all the household duties, and I spend the day working with grown adults, who seem to act like kids. We both have tough and demanding jobs. I have a good job that allows her to spend her time with our kids, and she is able to devote her time to raising those kids to the best of her God given ability. Both jobs are very important in making the family work. When you make the playing field equal, it is easier to read your spouse. After all you are partners. Step in and give your spouse a hand when they need it. If everyone is a giver eventually you will be a receiver. Remember the little things matter.
6. You and your spouse will have a life after the kids are gone...take care of your spouse today. Nothing in this world bothers me more than when I hear a married parent say, "My kids are the most important thing in my life..." I can remember like it was yesterday, I was a know it all teenager that decided to give my mother the knowledge that I felt she needed to know. I can remember my stepdad stepping in and lighting me up like a roman candle, but he said something that has been my motto in marriage since day one. It went a little something like this..." When your mother and I got married, WE married each other. I didn't marry you kids. You were a wonderful addition to the marriage, but I married your mother and love her very much and I love you very much,we will always love you but one day you will not live under our roof and it will just be me and your mother, and that relationship is what matters most. Mom and I will be together forever." I am sure I'm a little off on the exact dialoge, but I got the idea. If your marriage is strong, raising the kids is just an added blessing. If you are married and have kids, the relationship with your spouse is much more important than that with your children. Because that relationship with the children will fall in line if they see you have unconditional love for each other.

Well this wraps up today's session class, there will be a test on Tuesday... These are just a few things that I have learned that I have to keep reminding myself. Tons more where that came from, just need to find it. I guess a may waste some more of my time putting more stuff into words. Look for me on the New York Times Best Sellers List...you won't find me but anyways...I'm pulling for ya, and with each others help we can do this.